OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
