don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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