so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize