We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My penis needs a shock collar
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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