Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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