I think i peed on brittanys purse
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
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