So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize