Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
