if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
