i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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