ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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