Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
