Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize