He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
