She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
