so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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