your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
