Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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