You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize