I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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