im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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