Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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