You just made me feel so damn special
My nipple is on Facebook.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
