Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Randomize
