fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
