2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
A bitchslap is in order.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
