I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
