aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
wow bdsm is so cute
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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