Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
