its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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