sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
just tell him i said nine months
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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