bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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