Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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