You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
