Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You did what with his pubic hair?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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