so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
