I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize