Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
