ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
