So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
