i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
