Christians are straight up FREAKS
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
