I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
