i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize