I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
