I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
