Where is the hickey?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
