If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
