i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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