3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
