Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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