ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
