he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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