I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
