he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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