I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just want nice things and good sex
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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