I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
