There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
