I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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