Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
