Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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