No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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