He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
