it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
