I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
