Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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