She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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