So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Every concussion has its silver lining
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
