ya dads aren't the best wingmen
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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